I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
