I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize