before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
They left me at home... I'm a liability
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