can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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