It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
