I'm gonna have a badass scar
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
