By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Couch. On fire.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize
