guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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