I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
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