she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
