he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
