My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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