dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
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