My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
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