There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
