When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
