Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Randomize
