Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
