just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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