Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
