Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize