After last night, I could never be a politician.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
