He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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