I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
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