Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
