First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
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