Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
I'm like, not good at living.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
