apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Randomize