idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
I deserve this hangover.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
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