Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize