Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Randomize
