I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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