the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
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