a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
It was confusing and full of hummus
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Randomize
