Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
