Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
Randomize
