I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
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