Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
