All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
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