I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Randomize
