no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
