I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
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