Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
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