i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Randomize
