I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize