You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
I'm determined to sit on that face.
Randomize