We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
Randomize
