Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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