I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
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