I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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