I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
I didn't notice because vodka
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Randomize
