Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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