Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
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