Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
