i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
Randomize
