Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
love makes seman taste better
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Randomize
