Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
