I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize
