i will never coherently bang her
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
