great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
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