I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
