i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
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