my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
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