I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
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