I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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