I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Randomize
