Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize