You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
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