Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Randomize
