WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Randomize
