if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
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